


A Meme/Vine Adventure

by himitoes



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Bad Writing, Crack, How Do I Tag, Memes, Other, Vines, random shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:41:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29518230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/himitoes/pseuds/himitoes
Summary: A badly written self insert story(not really a story) on crack with various vines and dead memes thrown in at random times. There is some cussing, so if you are bothered by that, please don’t read.
Relationships: Dio Brando/Santa
Kudos: 1





	1. The Restaurant

You walk into a restaurant

"Hi welcome to chili's!" the waiter says. "How are you today?"

"I'm doing just fine, I lied, I'm dying inside" you respond. "Thanks for asking."

You order a croissant.

"Would you like some fr e sh a voca do with your order?" the waiter asks.

"No thanks, I don't like fr e sh a voca do" you reply.

Your mom then walks in and asks "Why you always lying? Why you always lying? mmm, oh my god, stop fucking lying. I taught you how to make guacamole yesterday because you wouldn’t stop bothering me about how much you wanted some. Remember? Peel the avocado, peel, peel the avocado. Peel the avocado, peel, peel the avocado. Guacamole, gua, guacamole Guacamole, gua,guacamole.” Your mother stares at you while standing there sassily, expecting you to reply. You are petrified, due to the fear of being cancelled because of your lying. You stay quiet, causing your mother to sigh and walk out.

The restaurant was starting to grt crowded now do you decided to take your leave. 

You grab your food and head to the door, where you meet a man. A manly man. A man, that is a man. The man of the men. The man that truly is a man. 

"Move bitch, get out the way. Get out the way bitch, get out the way" the man says while shoving his way past you.

You stumble a bit but manage to hold onto your croissant "Stop! I coulda dropped my croissant!" you yell at the man who pushed past you.

The man turns around and yells "Scram, punk!"

"I won't hesitate, bitch!" you screech at the man.

The man leaves and you slump back down on the floor. 

Some random dude calls out "what day is it today?”

"It's Wendsday, my dudes!" some other random person shouts.

"No" you correct. "It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday. Everybody's looking foward ti the weekend!"

You sigh and realize that you are thirsty. So, you order a soda. You are just about to take a sip when you realize there isn't any soda in it. "This bitch empty! YEEEEEET!" You chuck the soda can across the room.

You hear a yell from the direction of where your soda can went. "The fuck? The fuck? The fuck is in the air? The fuck? There's white shit everywhere"

White shit? What do they mean white shit? While you're trying to figure out what the person meant, Santa appears.

"Happy chrimus! It's chrismun! Merry crisis! Merry chrysler!" Santa yells while throwing fish at people.

You get slapped in the face with a fish.

*carless whisper starts playing and Shrek walks in* 

"Hey, how y'all doing?" Shrek says as he moonwalks to a seat.

"Who is you?" Santa says, questioning Shrek

'What an uncultured swine', you think to yourself. Who doesn't know who Shrek is?

"I'm shrek but you can call me,,, lil baby. Or sweet bitch. Those are my true names" Shrek then proceeds to climb on top of Santa's lap and sit facing him. "I don't want a lot of christmas~

There’s just one thing that I need~

I don't care about the presents, underneath the christmas treeeeeee~

I just want you for my own~

More than you could ever know~

Make my wish come trueeeee~

'Cause all I want for christmas, iiiiiiisssssss youuuuuuuuuuuuuu~"

Shrek then leaned in, and bit Santa's neck. 

And then Santa couldn't resist anymore and cupped Shrek's cheek in his hand.

And before you know it, they're making out. 

The waiter's pov:  
_________________________________________

All around me are familiar faces. Worn out places. Worn out faces. 

Wait, are Shrek and Santa making out?

*calls his mother* 

"Mommy, come pick me up, I'm scared,,,"

________________________________________

"Right in front of my salad?" one of the customers whines.

"Ah fuck, I can't believe you've done this" santa says. "Now everyone knows that *he jumps down from on top of the counter* I'm gay."

*Shrek slaps Santa's ass* "Oops, I did it again" 

"That's it Mr.Shrek, I have no choice but to out you on the naughty list." 

"Are you going to p u n i s h me for being naughty, Santa?" ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Shrek asks with hopeful eyes. 

You stare at Shrek in disgust. 

Shrek starts laughing hysterically. "You thought it was Shrek, but it was I, Dio!" Shrek, or rather, Dio, shrieks while ripping off his green warty skin, revealing a muscily toned man. He's rather smexy if you do say so yourself,,,,but that's beside the point.

By this point, you decided that you've had enough excitement for the day. "Fuck this shit I'm out, mmhm, fuck this shit I'm out. No thanks. Don't mind me, Imma just grab my stuff and leave. Excuse me please, fuck this shim I'm out." You then Naruto run the heck outta there while yelling "SKRRRRRRRRRRRT" and head to who knows where.


	2. The Camping Trip

After running for a while, you screech to a stop as you see a sight before you.

There is a giant gummy Chris Pine in the middle of the street.

You eagerly run up to it, excited to take a big bite of the juicy hunk of Chris.

You reach the giant, and shimmy up the body of it. Just as you are about to take a bote of gummy Chris's ear, you hear someone yelling.

"Hey, you, get down from there!" You turn your head to see iDubbbz yelling at you.

"Yo, are you deaf or something?" he chucks a potato at you.

The potato slams into your head and causes you to fall backward, laking the gummy Chris Pratt down with you.

"Oww" you whine.

iDubbbz then comes over and starts slapping you with a wet noodle and starts yelling at you.

So, you do what any reasonable person would do.

You ate the noodle.

This doesn't seem to sit well with . He starts pacing around with a panicked look on his face. "WHEN WILL YOU LEARN. WHEN WILL YOU LEARN THAT YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONCEQUENCES?!" screeches at you.

"Panini, don't you be a meanie" you tell the man.

You then run. And run. And run. Until you are far away. And at a different park.

As you're walking through the park, you come across a giant megaphone. 'Woah' you think to yourself.

You've never seen such a big microphone. You suddenly get a genius idea and smirk to yourself.

You walk over to the guy running the mic. "Can I say something into the microphone?" you ask the guy.

"Only about Jesus Christ, do not say about the homos" the guy stutters out in response.

Only about Jesus Christ? You think to yourself. That's too boring.

heh, like you'd ever listen to what anybody said not to do.

"Okay" You say to the man. You lean into the megaphone and quickly say "worship satan"

The guy doesn't seem to take this well. He starts screeching and his skin starts peeling off.

Now, standing before you, was the giant, blue telletubby.

It had huge, sharp fangs. A malodorous smell came pouring out of it's mouth as it spoke in a demonic sounding voice; "You have disobeyed me. It is time for you to pay for your sins."

You stand there petrified as the giant blob makes it's way over to you. It seems to be having a hard time walking with it's chubby arms and legs. It is wobbling about and keeps stopping to catch it's balance.

You take this as an opportunity to escape.

You dash as fast as you can, but forget to watch where you are going and run into a household establishment.

Just then, you notice something perculiar about the blue monkey-alien.

It appears to be growing legs,,, (I'll let you imagine and decide for yourself what this looks like)

*GaSp* The telletubby now has a set of perfectly sculped, toned, Iida legs.

You must have been staring at those juicy, tender, salty, sweet, mouthwatering, thicc, sculpted, muscular, perfe-

Wait, what were you talking about? Oh, right. You must have been staring at those legs for a while or something, because the telletubby did not look happy.

"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT? YOU SINNER?! YOU DARE DEFY YOUR MASTER?" The daddy *cough cough hack blakshsja* I mean, the telletubby, yelled as it loomed over you.

"DON'T FUCK WITH ME. I HAVE THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON MY SIDE" you yell at the telletubby.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" you charge at the telletubby at full speed whilst holding out a chopstick.

You ram the chopstick into the telletubby and it falls to the floor with a loud 'sphlonkshpo'

"Is it, dead...?" You wonder aloud.

"I will never truly die. You will pay for this,,,,, you,,,,,simp" the telletubby stutters out.

Then, it starts vigorously coughing. It starts to fade and become translucent. The telletubby then turns to dust right before your eyes. And shrinks down into a small plushie.

You put on rubber gloves, grab the plushie, throw it into a trash bin, pour some gasoline into the bin, and set the bin on fire with a flamethrower.

"hah, I told you not to mess with me." You grin to yourself and continue on your merry way.

You decide to take a walk through the park.

You eventually come across an old friend of yours.

"Oh Sangwoo, hello there" you say while awkwardly waving.

"Oh, hey y/n. How are you?"

"Eh, I could be better" you say with honesty.

"Oh? Why is that?" Sangwoo asks with curiosity.

"Well, I only have 69 cents. And that means I don't have enough money to buy a chicken nugget 😭"

"Aw, man, that sucks. I know that feeling. Bum steals my money so I'm always stuck having to buy cheap knockoff dino nuggies."

"Anyway, we're going on a camping trip, wanna come?" Sangwoo asks.

"Nah, I'm gucchi" you reply. In all honesty, the last thing you want to do is be dragged along with these crackheads into the middle of a forest.

"Well that's too bad 'cause you're coming with us." Sangwoo says while threateningly clasping his bat.

"Fine" you sigh. In all honesty, you wouldn't particularly mind dying, per say, but you have plans to do Fortnite dances in front of a bunch of Karens with some friends later this week, so you decide to hold off on the death for now.

"Good" Sangwoo replies. You catch him smirking to himself. God, that lowlife Barry the bee Atsumu looking bootleg sure is weird.

"How are we even going to get there?" You inquire. You're a minor, you can't drive. And it's not like any of these broke idiots own cars.

"I'm glad you asked" some other man says while walking up to you.

"We're GOING ON A TRIP IN OUR FAVORITE ROCKET SHIP. ZOOMING THROUGH THE SKY"

Rocket ship? What kind of crack is this guy on?

Timeskip to later because I'm lazy and don't know what to write:

"Alright, time to make sure we have everything." Sangwoo says

Sangwoo starts scrolling through a checklist.

"Sleeping bags?"

"check"

"Tent?"

"Yeppers"

"Flashlights?"

"We have phones for a reason ya know" you reply sassily.

Sangwoo just rolles his eyes in response.

(I'm too lazy to actually type this up so just imagine that you are going through a checklist for camping)

"Alright, we're almost done" Snagwoo remarks. "Food?"

"In the cooler."

"Hotel?"

"Trivago."

"Alright then. we're good to go" Sangwoo tells you and signals to a lady.

The lady puts on a hat and a bus appears.

"All aboard!" the lady calls out.

You suspiciously eye Sangwoo. He just smiles at you and gets on the bus.

You have nothing better to do, so you follow him.

"BOUDOUP BODOUP BANANA BUS! BOUDUOUP BODIUUOP BANANA BUS!"

The chorus is repeated over and over, like the nuns invading russia, but sounding loudly inside of your head instead. This had been going on for the past hour. Who the fuck is even on this bus? The only people you know are Sangwoo, the bus driver, and Adam.

One very salty lookin' tall boi stand up. "The volume on this bus is astronomical" he says with a stern face. "If you all don't shut the fuck up, I won't hesitate, bitch" he says with an attitude almost as salty as his face.

Someone throws a rat at him. "SIT BACK DOWN. YOU'RE BLOCKING THE VIEW." (I'll let you imagine what the view is ;)

After everyone calmed down, you rode the bus in silence. As you passed all of the beautiful scenery, a particular sign caught your eye.

"Road work ahead?" you read aloud. "Uh, yeah, I sure hope it does."

You sigh and rest your head against the window.

You let your eyes come to a gentle close. You slow your breathing. You find peace at mi-

Oh shit! You forgot to pack the cactus.

"Uh, Sangwoo, we have a problem,,,," you quietly mumble.

"Who's nico nico kneecaps do I need to break?" Sangwoo asks.

"No no, it's not that" you reply. "It's just that,,, I kinda, sorta, forgot to bring the cactus..."

Sangwoo sighed and whispered something to the bus driver.

The bus started flying and transformed into a giant meatball.

A While Later:

The bus slowly crashed onto the ground.

"WELCOME TO T-T-T-T-T-T-T-TARGET!" Someone in a rabbit costume shouts from ouside of the entrance.

"Alright everyone, file in" some dude in a barbie cosplay says.

You walk into the Target and instantly regret it the second you do.

The barbie song is blasting on the speakers and one of the lizards in a terrarium is dancing on a stripper pole to the song's beat.

You hear someone asking about how this song could possibly be so good.

Suddenly, Barbie appears.

"Well my little darlings," Barbie starts to explain. "I sneezed on da beet and da beet got sicker"

You can see the people nodding their heads and making little sounds of agreement.

You decide to venture further into Target and head to the food section.

As you're on your way over there, an employee stops you.

"I-I can't do this any more. This place is hell. T-the sales are going way down. If we don't do something, they will come. THEY CAN'T COME HERE! Please. you've got to help me." The worker says hurriedly with a panicked tone.

"Woah, woah, woah, calm down Jamal" you say to the worker. "Now, what was that about sales going down?"

"Look at this graph" the worker says while shoving a piece of paper in your face. "We've been drastically losing customers. We aren't selling nearly as many Captain America dildos as we should be (I'm truly sorry). You know what, I'm just going to quit and find a new job."

"Bitch, I hope the fuck you do" you reply while patting the worker's back. Danm, how bad does this job have to be to make people act like this?

You quickly escape before the worker can talk to you anymore and head to the potato section.

You put all of the potatos in your cart and make your way over to the checkout.

As you're strolling through the cleaning soulvent isle, your friend Adam jumps out from behind a giant cardboard cutout of Levi holding a bottle of bleach.

"Adam!" You scream. You nearly had a heart attack.

"What was that for? I almost fell into my sweet potatoes."

"Dude, what's your deal with sweet potatoes?" Adam asks.

"What's my deal with sweet potatoes? What's my deal with sweet potatoes? Oh, I'll tell you my deal with sweet potatoes." You say with much angeryness.

"Are you going to tell me why?" Adam asks, getting impatient.

"Because, love is a baked sweet potato" you say.

"You're so weird" Adam remarks.

You and Adam start walking twords the exit and get back on the bus.

"Are you ready?" The bus driver asks. 

"Let's ride!" You reply.

And with that, the bus is moving through the sky again.


End file.
